heart hurts.
well, more my sterum,
but thats close...
isn't it?

I would love nothing more than to cuddle with that boy right now.
I'd call him, but I don't know what to say.
except that I think of him often.
and wish he was with me.
and would like to kiss him silly
and hug him till I fall asleep
[we might have to be laying down first]
and wake up in his arms
and be able to just snuggle
and to be able to cook him pancakes
and other treats
to watch movies
and eat popcorn
to go on a train
and drink hot coco
ad go to the ocean
and chill of the beach
swim in the ocean
watch the stars
and just talk
and a billion other things
and feel loved/liked
and have him know that I love him already
probably since... god knows when.

but thats not worth calling him for...
because I'm too much of a chicken to say it
too afraid of being turned down
so afraid that I have built him up
and the reality will tear him down...

but this time I think I might be safe...
so maybe one day I will.
but tonight I'll just dream of the things I want so dear
and wish that he could be near
my dreams and me
thats my company
until I can face my fears.
that day is close, I know in my soul
or at least I hope
and hope is what I need.
goodnight.


PEACE
mada